Bargain
bin recording artists are people, too. In the interest of balanced
reporting, I hereby submit to you the very human stories behind some of
those infamous photos.
In
recent years, Jim has published a series of successful children's books
(obviously purchased by parents who hadn't seen him naked in the
shower) and also puts that impressive 'stache to good use by touring the
country in a one-man show as Mark Twain.
A
girl's Sweet Sixteen should be special, but it looks like poor Julie
received some bad news instead of a new car. I'm guessing Pop is
reassuring her that everything will be OK. "Just tell me the boy's name,
and I'll get my shotgun and Ma will rustle up the preacher..."
John Bult hails from Lake Charles, Louisiana, and once performed on the legendary Louisiana Hayride. He's a house painter by trade these days, although he still loves to sing and brings his guitar to crawfish boils to entertain family and friends. By all accounts he's just one all-around good ol' devoted family guy (he and his long-time wife, an Extension Agent with Louisiana State University, have two grown children, and neither one is named "Julie") who has a million stories to tell and will do so with minimal prompting.
Eddie
Mack has a bona fide show business pedigree; his father was Charlie
Mack, one half of the very successful vaudevillian comedy team "Moran
and Mack, the Two Black Crows." (Yes, it was a blackface act, but in the
1920s that sort of thing still passed as entertainment.) When Eddie was
four years old he was standing backstage one afternoon during auditions
for a Broadway show. A man ambled up behind him, placed his hands on
young Eddie's shoulders, and asked Charlie, "So, who is this brat?"
Eddie was offended by the "brat" remark and kicked the man, who happened
to be W.C. Fields, in the shin. As a result, even when Eddie was
approaching adulthood, W.C. Fields always referred to him as "Charlie
Mack's Brat."
Eddie grew up to be a talented pianist, singer, and actor. He was married and divorced six times. (The beauty perched on the piano was married to him for a brief period – Eddie was old-fashioned and didn't believe in "shacking up.") In 1969 he was on stage in Toronto as a member of the touring company of There's a Girl in My Soup (starring Don Ameche) when his throat started hemorrhaging during a song. He was rushed to the hospital and diagnosed with throat cancer. Greasepaint was in his blood, though, so even though he couldn't speak while recuperating from surgery and radiation, he got a job leading the orchestra on a cruise ship and communicated with the musicians via gestures and a Magic Slate.
A sweaty, nude man holding a flute (the classic phallic instrument) on the cover of a record entitled Push Push... You don't have to be Sigmund Freud to figure out that this is, as NPR's Jazz Profiles
described it in Mr. Mann's obituary, a "sexually charged album." When
Mann was a youngster growing up in 1930s Brooklyn, he loved rhythm and
wanted to be a drummer. Drum kits were (and still are) expensive, so his
mother bought him a clarinet instead. He developed an interest in jazz
and learned to play several other instruments, finally settling on the
flute because there was a surplus of clarinet and saxophone players
vying for the limited amount of openings in professional jazz bands.
Mann was known in the music industry for always being at least one step
ahead of the current trend. He traveled the globe in search of
inspiration and released a series of albums that were influenced by
Afro-Cuban rhythms, Yiddish music, Brazilian bossa nova, and
straight-ahead R&B. Sadly, Mann lost his battle with prostate cancer
in 2003.
There
are certain times when one feels a twinge of guilt for poking fun at
some anonymous unsuspecting mook on the internet. One of those times is
when said mook is found to be alive and well and aware of his infamy.
Such is the case with Ken Snyder, a devout Christian (currently living
in Iowa) who once upon a time found that he was best able to express his
faith via song. Ken traveled the country, performing his original tunes
and spreading The Word. So many people asked for a recording of his
songs that he went into a South Carolina studio in 1976 and cut By Request Only.
The album wasn't originally available in record stores; he carried them
in his car and fans had to purchase them directly from Ken after his
shows (he, that's how MC Hammer got his start!).
When
Ken was contacted by a curious album owner a few years ago, he admitted
that he knew he'd been voted "worst album cover" some place on the
internet, but he was truly taken aback at just how many web pages had
picked up on the Ken meme. And he was downright dumbfounded to learn
that a copy of By Request Only had sold for $135.50 on eBay in 2007.
(In the more recent photo at left, Ken is on the far right.)
Something Special
was released in 1974, a time when folks with disabilities were more
often described as "crippled" rather than as a person with "special
needs." Jeff Steinberg was born with no arms and malformed legs. He
spent most of his childhood first at a Shriner's Hospital and then at
The Good Shepherd Home for the Physically Handicapped. His birth mother
was Jewish, but Steinberg converted to Christianity after being fostered
by a local Christian couple. The "Tiny Giant" (he stands 4'6") and his
wife travel the world ministering through humor, scripture, and song,
urging people to "Quit focusing on the handicap and start appreciating
the Gift."
Once
upon a time, Georgia-based writer Gail Brewer-Giorgio concocted a story
about a popular Southern rock and roll singer named Orion Eckley
Darnell. Orion became so famous that his fans referred to him as "The
King." Sadly, Orion eventually felt trapped by his success and staged
his own death, complete with a wax figure in his likeness and an
elaborate funeral. Elvis Presley died in August 1977 and shortly
afterward Brewer-Giorgio's story was published. It didn't take fans and
conspiracy theorists very long to decide that she was telling the true
story of the King, and that the real Elvis was alive somewhere. A
producer named Shelby Singleton sensed the opportunity and found a
singer named Jimmy Ellis whose voice and style were nearly identical to
Presley. Singleton dyed Ellis' hair black and had him grow some
sideburns, but there was no hiding the fact that his face didn't look
anything like Elvis'. Shelby had a brainstorm – have Ellis perform while
wearing a mask. Not only that, but have him perform under the name
"Orion," just like the guy in that book.
Ellis wasn't wild about having to perform incognito, but he went along with it and achieved an amazing level of success, considering his whole career was based on keeping fans guessing as to whether or not he was really Elvis Presley. His voice was so similar to Presley's that RCA almost sued Singleton; they thought he'd unearthed some pirated unreleased Elvis tracks. Orion recorded nine albums in three years and played to sold-out crowds in medium-sized venues. His ccareer ended just that quickly, though, when he ripped off his mask onstage in a fit of anger during a performance in 1981.
A tragic postscript to the Orion story: Jimmy Ellis and his wife were shot to death in 1998 when the pawn shop they owned was robbed by armed bandits.
Joyce
Drake is a devout Christian woman who lives in Sealy, Texas. Her
father, the late Reverend Billy Yeats, was an ordained minister with the
Assemblies of God for 60 years during which time he pastored at seven
different churches. Likewise, Joyce's husband Clyde was a long-time
pastor at the First Assembly of God Church, where Joyce often played
piano and sang during his services. It is unclear whether Rev. Clyde is
still preaching regular Sunday worship, but the Sealy-area obituaries
indicate that he's been in high demand as an officiant for local funeral
services in recent years. As for Joyce, well, I did find a telephone
number for her but I couldn't bring myself to interrupt her while she's
probably busy delivering Meals on Wheels and reading to the blind just
to quiz her about an unflattering album cover photo.
Constantino
Fernández Fernández, known to his fans as Tino, was one of many
hopefuls who answered a 1979 ad in a Barcelona newspaper looking for
pre-teens to be part of a pop group that Belter Records was assembling.
Tino made the final cut and became the "red" member of Parchís; the
band's name meant "Parcheesi" in Spanish and each member was assigned a
different color to represent the tokens in the traditional board game.
Parchís was very successful in Spain for two years (one of their biggest
hits was a Spanish rendition of the Village People's "In the Navy") but
by 1983 they were overshadowed by Latin-American boy band sensation
Menudo. Tino left the group that same year at age 16 and launched a
short-lived solo career aimed at capitalizing on his heartthrob status.
Sadly, he later lost that provocatively positioned left arm in an
automobile accident while driving in Buenos Aires.
"A
Bouquet That Never Wilts" is German singer Heino's personal Valentine
to dear ol' Mom. The cover photo just radiates familial affection,
doesn't it? You can almost hear his mother murmuring, "Heino, my son,
you are beautiful and angular and you make my uterus implode with
affection" as she cuddles him.
Heino was born Heinz Georg Kramm in Dusseldorf, Germany, in 1938. When he was 10 years old his mother got him an accordion for Christmas, though the family could ill afford such an expense. Five years later he formed a musical trio with two friends and got a regular gig playing at a local bakery. Eventually, in between playing for pumpernickel, the group gained notice when they took the top prize at the Oberbilker Markt hometown festival and they secured both a manager and a record deal. Critics described Heino's style as "folk music with a Beatles beat;" that may have been stretching the truth a bit, but he did have a certain appeal that inspired lumberjacks. Heino has sold more than 50 million albums over the course of his career and he's still performing today, with his basso cantante voice and platinum hair both intact.
1. I Love My Life – Jim Post
Ten years before the above album was released, Jim Post had a Top 10 hit with his then-wife, Cathy. Recording as the folk duo Friend and Lover, "Reach Out of the Darkness" became something of an anthem for the flower power movement with its "I think it's so groovy now, that people are finally getting together" chorus.In
recent years, Jim has published a series of successful children's books
(obviously purchased by parents who hadn't seen him naked in the
shower) and also puts that impressive 'stache to good use by touring the
country in a one-man show as Mark Twain.2. Julie's Sixteenth Birthday – John Bult
A
girl's Sweet Sixteen should be special, but it looks like poor Julie
received some bad news instead of a new car. I'm guessing Pop is
reassuring her that everything will be OK. "Just tell me the boy's name,
and I'll get my shotgun and Ma will rustle up the preacher..."John Bult hails from Lake Charles, Louisiana, and once performed on the legendary Louisiana Hayride. He's a house painter by trade these days, although he still loves to sing and brings his guitar to crawfish boils to entertain family and friends. By all accounts he's just one all-around good ol' devoted family guy (he and his long-time wife, an Extension Agent with Louisiana State University, have two grown children, and neither one is named "Julie") who has a million stories to tell and will do so with minimal prompting.
3. Live at the Open Face Sandwich Club – Eddie Mack
Eddie
Mack has a bona fide show business pedigree; his father was Charlie
Mack, one half of the very successful vaudevillian comedy team "Moran
and Mack, the Two Black Crows." (Yes, it was a blackface act, but in the
1920s that sort of thing still passed as entertainment.) When Eddie was
four years old he was standing backstage one afternoon during auditions
for a Broadway show. A man ambled up behind him, placed his hands on
young Eddie's shoulders, and asked Charlie, "So, who is this brat?"
Eddie was offended by the "brat" remark and kicked the man, who happened
to be W.C. Fields, in the shin. As a result, even when Eddie was
approaching adulthood, W.C. Fields always referred to him as "Charlie
Mack's Brat."Eddie grew up to be a talented pianist, singer, and actor. He was married and divorced six times. (The beauty perched on the piano was married to him for a brief period – Eddie was old-fashioned and didn't believe in "shacking up.") In 1969 he was on stage in Toronto as a member of the touring company of There's a Girl in My Soup (starring Don Ameche) when his throat started hemorrhaging during a song. He was rushed to the hospital and diagnosed with throat cancer. Greasepaint was in his blood, though, so even though he couldn't speak while recuperating from surgery and radiation, he got a job leading the orchestra on a cruise ship and communicated with the musicians via gestures and a Magic Slate.
4. Push Push – Herbie Mann
A sweaty, nude man holding a flute (the classic phallic instrument) on the cover of a record entitled Push Push... You don't have to be Sigmund Freud to figure out that this is, as NPR's Jazz Profiles
described it in Mr. Mann's obituary, a "sexually charged album." When
Mann was a youngster growing up in 1930s Brooklyn, he loved rhythm and
wanted to be a drummer. Drum kits were (and still are) expensive, so his
mother bought him a clarinet instead. He developed an interest in jazz
and learned to play several other instruments, finally settling on the
flute because there was a surplus of clarinet and saxophone players
vying for the limited amount of openings in professional jazz bands.
Mann was known in the music industry for always being at least one step
ahead of the current trend. He traveled the globe in search of
inspiration and released a series of albums that were influenced by
Afro-Cuban rhythms, Yiddish music, Brazilian bossa nova, and
straight-ahead R&B. Sadly, Mann lost his battle with prostate cancer
in 2003.5. By Request Only – Ken
There
are certain times when one feels a twinge of guilt for poking fun at
some anonymous unsuspecting mook on the internet. One of those times is
when said mook is found to be alive and well and aware of his infamy.
Such is the case with Ken Snyder, a devout Christian (currently living
in Iowa) who once upon a time found that he was best able to express his
faith via song. Ken traveled the country, performing his original tunes
and spreading The Word. So many people asked for a recording of his
songs that he went into a South Carolina studio in 1976 and cut By Request Only.
The album wasn't originally available in record stores; he carried them
in his car and fans had to purchase them directly from Ken after his
shows (he, that's how MC Hammer got his start!).When
Ken was contacted by a curious album owner a few years ago, he admitted
that he knew he'd been voted "worst album cover" some place on the
internet, but he was truly taken aback at just how many web pages had
picked up on the Ken meme. And he was downright dumbfounded to learn
that a copy of By Request Only had sold for $135.50 on eBay in 2007.(In the more recent photo at left, Ken is on the far right.)
6. Something Special – Jeff Steinberg
Something Special
was released in 1974, a time when folks with disabilities were more
often described as "crippled" rather than as a person with "special
needs." Jeff Steinberg was born with no arms and malformed legs. He
spent most of his childhood first at a Shriner's Hospital and then at
The Good Shepherd Home for the Physically Handicapped. His birth mother
was Jewish, but Steinberg converted to Christianity after being fostered
by a local Christian couple. The "Tiny Giant" (he stands 4'6") and his
wife travel the world ministering through humor, scripture, and song,
urging people to "Quit focusing on the handicap and start appreciating
the Gift."7. Reborn – Orion
Once
upon a time, Georgia-based writer Gail Brewer-Giorgio concocted a story
about a popular Southern rock and roll singer named Orion Eckley
Darnell. Orion became so famous that his fans referred to him as "The
King." Sadly, Orion eventually felt trapped by his success and staged
his own death, complete with a wax figure in his likeness and an
elaborate funeral. Elvis Presley died in August 1977 and shortly
afterward Brewer-Giorgio's story was published. It didn't take fans and
conspiracy theorists very long to decide that she was telling the true
story of the King, and that the real Elvis was alive somewhere. A
producer named Shelby Singleton sensed the opportunity and found a
singer named Jimmy Ellis whose voice and style were nearly identical to
Presley. Singleton dyed Ellis' hair black and had him grow some
sideburns, but there was no hiding the fact that his face didn't look
anything like Elvis'. Shelby had a brainstorm – have Ellis perform while
wearing a mask. Not only that, but have him perform under the name
"Orion," just like the guy in that book.Ellis wasn't wild about having to perform incognito, but he went along with it and achieved an amazing level of success, considering his whole career was based on keeping fans guessing as to whether or not he was really Elvis Presley. His voice was so similar to Presley's that RCA almost sued Singleton; they thought he'd unearthed some pirated unreleased Elvis tracks. Orion recorded nine albums in three years and played to sold-out crowds in medium-sized venues. His ccareer ended just that quickly, though, when he ripped off his mask onstage in a fit of anger during a performance in 1981.
A tragic postscript to the Orion story: Jimmy Ellis and his wife were shot to death in 1998 when the pawn shop they owned was robbed by armed bandits.
8. Joyce
Joyce
Drake is a devout Christian woman who lives in Sealy, Texas. Her
father, the late Reverend Billy Yeats, was an ordained minister with the
Assemblies of God for 60 years during which time he pastored at seven
different churches. Likewise, Joyce's husband Clyde was a long-time
pastor at the First Assembly of God Church, where Joyce often played
piano and sang during his services. It is unclear whether Rev. Clyde is
still preaching regular Sunday worship, but the Sealy-area obituaries
indicate that he's been in high demand as an officiant for local funeral
services in recent years. As for Joyce, well, I did find a telephone
number for her but I couldn't bring myself to interrupt her while she's
probably busy delivering Meals on Wheels and reading to the blind just
to quiz her about an unflattering album cover photo.9. Por Primera Vez (For the First Time) – Tino
Constantino
Fernández Fernández, known to his fans as Tino, was one of many
hopefuls who answered a 1979 ad in a Barcelona newspaper looking for
pre-teens to be part of a pop group that Belter Records was assembling.
Tino made the final cut and became the "red" member of Parchís; the
band's name meant "Parcheesi" in Spanish and each member was assigned a
different color to represent the tokens in the traditional board game.
Parchís was very successful in Spain for two years (one of their biggest
hits was a Spanish rendition of the Village People's "In the Navy") but
by 1983 they were overshadowed by Latin-American boy band sensation
Menudo. Tino left the group that same year at age 16 and launched a
short-lived solo career aimed at capitalizing on his heartthrob status.
Sadly, he later lost that provocatively positioned left arm in an
automobile accident while driving in Buenos Aires.10. Liebe Mutter (Dear Mother)... – Heino
"A
Bouquet That Never Wilts" is German singer Heino's personal Valentine
to dear ol' Mom. The cover photo just radiates familial affection,
doesn't it? You can almost hear his mother murmuring, "Heino, my son,
you are beautiful and angular and you make my uterus implode with
affection" as she cuddles him.Heino was born Heinz Georg Kramm in Dusseldorf, Germany, in 1938. When he was 10 years old his mother got him an accordion for Christmas, though the family could ill afford such an expense. Five years later he formed a musical trio with two friends and got a regular gig playing at a local bakery. Eventually, in between playing for pumpernickel, the group gained notice when they took the top prize at the Oberbilker Markt hometown festival and they secured both a manager and a record deal. Critics described Heino's style as "folk music with a Beatles beat;" that may have been stretching the truth a bit, but he did have a certain appeal that inspired lumberjacks. Heino has sold more than 50 million albums over the course of his career and he's still performing today, with his basso cantante voice and platinum hair both intact.
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